I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
