I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
