OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
