you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
