Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
