Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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