He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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