We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
