chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
