real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
