Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
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It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
i think i just naturally attract stoners
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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