Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
