If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
