Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
