My balls are so social today.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
