omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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