oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
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If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
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Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.