Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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