Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.