Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.