Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table