you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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