Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
