my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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