fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
