Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
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I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
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Two words: blizzard sex
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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