my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
