maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Randomize
