I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
