Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
