I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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