I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize