You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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