I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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