I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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