I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Girls should come with a carfax report
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
