Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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