there's paper in my vomit.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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