The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
