She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
