Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You've changed since you got that strap on
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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