I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
