I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
