I've blown a few things in my day
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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