I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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