What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Randomize