somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
