Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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