You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
