I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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