Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
