Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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