We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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