remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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