He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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