I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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