"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
There are leaves in my underwear?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
