Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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