I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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