im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
