i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
ttyl tear gas
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
