hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
