i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
