did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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