I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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