I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize