weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
