we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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