3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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