I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
