You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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