I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
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We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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