Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
