I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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