I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
