Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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