Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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