My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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